It’d been 3 very long hard days, 72 hours of constant stress
and looking after my two kids while my girlfriend was away. While she’d went away for a reunion for an
old place she worked twenty odd years ago I was looking forward to a reunion with
both my sanity and of course her. I’d
counted down the days, the hours and the minutes until she finally came
home. She’d said as she appreciated my
having to pull three solo days with the kids while she was away I could pop out
on Halloween.
But it came with a catch…
Well more of a dare really, she dared me to go out that
evening with a costume she’d bought on her way home. The costume was that of a nun. To be quite honest I had no problem going out
for a drink dressed as a nun…or a Mexican dancing girl or a lama for that
matter. I needed a break, and not being
exactly a stranger to ‘showing off’. I agreed.
But it wasn’t what I expected at all.
What I figured would happen would there would be lots of other people in
fancy dress, mine would be a novelty for all of about ten seconds then it’d be
a new sort of normal until I went home.
But here are some of the things I learned from being dressed
as a nun for a single evening.
Hands! Hands Everywhere!
Rule one of being dressed as nun is whatever you do, don’t
bend over. I dropped one of my coins at
the bar and when bending to pick it up I suddenly felt four distinct male hands
on my arse. The weird thing is all of
these four blokes knew I was a bloke dressed as a nun. Not one could have mistaken me for a real
woman or a real nun. So there
motivations seemed a bit odd as there was definitely a sexual motivation, all
four were as far as I am aware just normal heterosexual piss heads of the same
variety you’d find in any pub or bar in England. But this mystery soon cleared when…
Suddenly people tell you all their sexual fantasies.
Yep, this was another one that caught me by surprise. It seems that the very sight of someone in a nun’s
habit brings out the need to share their deepest darkest sexual deviancies. So suddenly it was like I was a priest at a
confessional! Unsolicited information
was now shared where a number of blokes mentioned that they ‘had a thing for
nuns’. Yeah. Ok I can sort of relate to
that. But for a small number the very
chance to touch someone when they are dressed as a nun and not get arrested for
it seemed to be too much to handle.
Wimples are very comfortable.
I thought that wearing this bloody penguin outfit would have
been a bit chilly, and the wimple would make me sweat and set off my
psoriasis. I couldn’t have been more
wrong. It’s actually fairly functional I
found. I didn’t sweat very much, hardly
at all in fact which was amazing considering that it was a very warm pub
environment full of people. The robes
part of it actually let air circulate pretty well. So even though I had my jeans
and a T shirt underneath (So no, I didn’t have stocking and suspenders on under
it before you ask) I felt exactly the right temperature.
In fact the only thing that drove me clinically nuts was the
lack of pockets. Now I know that Nuns as a general rule aren’t allowed possessions,
which they are supposed to have nothing that they’d need to put in
pockets. But common sense would dictate
that not all orders can be like this; maybe they’d find something and need to
keep ahold of it until it could be handed back to its owner? Either way having
to pull this damn thing up to get either the money out of my pocket to pay for
a drink or to check my phone was pissing me off. Yes I could have taken the whole load of
gear off and stuck it behind the bar to collect the next morning. I could have got rid of it, or even took it
off and change only just before I got back home. But where is the fun in that.
It was an experience, and I was rather worried when halfway
through the night I started to notice myself checking that the headdress was
lying correctly. So when I got home many
photos later and took it off I was glad to see the end of ‘Sister Mary of the
immaculate Pint glass’. I think next
time I have to dress up in fancy dress…it may be something a bit more normal.
